Shame is something many people carry. It can show up as harsh self-criticism, a sense of being "too much" or "not enough," or a feeling of disconnection from yourself and others. Often, it's not obvious — it just feels like this is who I am.

From an Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, shame is not a flaw or failure. It's something that developed in response to difficult experiences, especially relational or developmental ones. Parts of us learned these beliefs as a way to survive.

Understanding Parts That Carry Shame

In IFS, we understand that we all have different parts — parts that hold pain, parts that try to protect us, and parts that work hard to keep us safe. Even the parts that criticise or shut us down usually have good intentions. They formed because, at some point, they needed to.

The part of you that says "you're not good enough" may have learned this message long ago, perhaps to keep you small and safe. The part that withdraws or hides may be protecting a younger part that once felt exposed or rejected. These responses made sense at the time — and understanding this can be the first step toward healing.

A Different Approach to Healing

Healing doesn't come from forcing change or getting rid of these parts. Instead, we slow things down. We listen. We meet what's inside with curiosity and compassion. As safety grows, a calmer and more grounded inner presence can begin to lead, allowing shame to soften and old patterns to loosen.

This work happens at your pace. You're never pushed to go where some parts of you are not ready. Over time, many people find they feel lighter, more at ease, and more connected to themselves — with greater kindness replacing self-judgement.

You Don't Have to Carry It Alone

If shame has been shaping how you see yourself or move through the world, you don't have to carry it alone. Support is available, and healing is possible.